No, being a magician does not mean I’m trying to pull

One of my biggest pet hates is when people find out I’m a magician and immediately say“oh mate, you must be amazing at picking up women”or“you should totally use that to pick up girls.”

Every time I hear it, I die a little inside.

Because that idea only works if you are a certain type of guy.

A laddie type. Loud. You know, a bit cocky. The Alpha Male. Brash. Treats magic like a party trick and women like a scoreboard.

For that guy, magic is simply the tool. Something flashy. Something to get attention. Same category as being loud, buying shots, showing off in front of their mates, or doing something for a reaction. Or having another artistic talent such as being a musician, actor, or comedian. In that world, the magic is the point. But that’s not what magic is to me. And honestly, that’s not what actually makes someone attractive anyway.

In fact, it is not how any of this actually works.

People always assume it’s the tricks; that if you do a clever move with cards, suddenly someone will be impressed enough to fancy you.

It is not the tricks.

It has never been the tricks.

Magic is a medium. A way of expressing who you already are. The same way music is a tool, or humour is a tool, or confidence is a tool. On its own, it does nothing. Give the same deck of cards to ten different performers and you will get ten completely different reactions. Because people are not responding to the method. They are responding to the person holding the cards.

It is exactly like street shows.

You can have the strongest material in the world; solid routines. Big moments. A killer finale. But if the crowd does not like YOU, they will drift. They will leave halfway through. They may clap at times but they will keep walking.

People do not stop for tricks. They stop for a person.

They read you before the magic even starts; your energy, your comfort, whether you feel relaxed or needy. Whether you come across as someone worth watching and spending time with. The magic just gives them a reason to stay once they already like you.

Same with attraction. Same with social situations. Same with life.

The whole “use magic to pick up women” idea treats magic like bait. Like you are dangling something clever and hoping it will do the work for you. But people can feel intent instantly. They can sense when there is an agenda underneath the performance.

NOTHING kills attraction faster than someone doing something impressive for approval.

If you are using magic to try and pull, it leaks out of you. The tension. The need to impress. The reliance on the trick going right. And if your entire personality depends on a trick working, then what happens when it does not?

The guys who think magic gets women are usually the same guys who think volume equals confidence. Who think attention equals connection. They think being seen doing something clever is the same as being interesting.

It isn’t.

Real attraction comes from how you carry yourself. How comfortable you are in your own skin. Whether you are present, relaxed, playful, and actually listening. Magic can support that if it already exists. It cannot replace it.

When I perform magic, I am not trying to impress anyone into liking me. Not in that way, anyhow. I am sharing something I genuinely enjoy. I am inviting people into a moment. That is what people respond to. Not the fact that two cards changed places for instance.

Magic does not create connection on its own. It amplifies what is already there.

If you are relaxed, magic feels charming. If you are insecure, magic feels like showing off. If you are grounded, magic feels like an invitation.

So no, I do not use magic to pick up women. Not because I am afraid of performing tricks to people of the opposite gender. But because magic is not a substitute for being someone people actually like.

On the street or anywhere else, it is the same rule.

It is the singer, not the song. The tools are secondary.

They have to like YOU.

Nathan

© Nathan Earl The Street-Style Magician